An open letter to my sister...

    You didn't want me at first, but you loved me anyways. It was not long before you became the protective, annoyed, loving big sister that I never wanted but needed. We fought a lot (I still have pencil led in my back, lol). I think we were never taught how to handle our emotions and were pit against each other. I know you see me as the "princess," and I know you think I got more from our parents than either you or our brother did. I also know you feel like you got the short end of the stick between the youngest who got positive attention and the oldest who got negative attention. 

I hope our adult relationship has done something to make amends for that.

    You cooked me dinner tonight. I felt at home, cared for, and thought of. You were and ARE the mother I needed. Thank you for staying around when I know all you wanted was to run away and start over. Thank you for having patience for me to catch up to your maturity when I know you felt like I was the most annoying little sister. Thank you for always thinking of me when you're out and about and you buy me little trinkets that remind you of me. Thank you for creating one of my best friends (my niece) when I know that almost took your life. Thank you for setting an example every day for what it looks like to look trauma in the face and say "Not today Satan!" 

    I am a therapist because of you. I am alive because of you. I am grateful because of you. I have hope because of you. I have a close connection to someone in our family (you) because of you. I am everything I am today because I had you to learn from, lean on, complain to, and cry to. Don't think for ONE SECOND that you are a failure in ANY way. I know that imposture syndrome hits you hard. You are one of the most incredible people I know and I look up to you in so many ways.

    I am sorry I took mom's side when you were pregnant. I am sorry I let her get in between us more times than I can count. I am sorry if I took our parent's attention away from you...I never wanted that. Ever. I am sorry if I didn't say thank you enough when we were younger. When I was screaming at you, I never stopped loving you. Not once.

    I am PROUD of you. You are my inspiration. I brag about you all the time, especially now that you opened your own salon. If you don't hear it, I want you to know that you are not just ENOUGH, you are EVERYTHING you aspired to be. An incredible big sister, a forgiving daughter, a caring granddaughter, the kind of mom I want to be, a talented hair stylist, and a compassionate wife. Never doubt yourself and never look back and say "I should have..." because everything you were made you who you are, and I love who you are.

I love you tis <3

Love, Flying Squirrel