Mo'Money Mo'Problems
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| Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash |
Ahhh..the American dream...own a home with a white picket fence where the husband brings home the bacon and the wife cooks, cleans, and raises the kid(s). My how far we have come. My "American dream" is to thrive in an environment that is healthy for myself and my family. What that looks like specifically? Well, that changes daily. Not because I am frivolous and have the ability to change my mind as I please, but because I am realizing every day just how unrealistic my expectations for life were and I have to adjust.
I can be flexible, though that has not always been the easiest thing for me. I recognize that it's important to have dreams and aspirations, but not too much because then you may become disappointed when you do not meet your own expectations. What a delicate balance it is to dream...and be realistic. We all need to dream to have motivation for what could be, but dream within your means or else you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
The mighty dollar has been the source of this need to be realistic with my dreams. I grew up in a lower-middle class family. We were not hurting for money, but we did not have enough to pay for all of us kids to attend college and get cars. We had nice clothes, could play sports in school, and had dinners out, but the big stuff we have to figure out on our own. Now, I share my story from my perspective, so I understand that others may experience much worse. However, all I can tell is my own story, and I believe a lot of our stories all come to a common theme: money.
My mother was/is addicted to gambling. She has signed herself out of casinos in the surrounding states and online, so she is working on it. She and I were discussing this concern one day and she said that the reason she got sucked into it like she did was that she wanted to save all of us by providing all the money we could need, and thus we would no longer struggle. I understand this on a deeper level every day. We live for work, not vice versa. We wake up every day and make our money (however we can) just to have to do it again the next day, getting a couple days off per week and two weeks (if we are lucky) out of the year to explore the world (or just deep-clean the house).
I want to break this cycle. I want to live within my means, but not worry about paying my bills every month. I want to have a successful career, but not spend 90% of my life doing it. I want to grow as a person, see new places, and experience what the world has to offer. I want to give back! I want to donate my time and resources to people in need. Unfortunately, I am spending every evening thinking about how to pinch pennies just enough to make our credit card payment this month, just to be hit with an interest charge the next month that is equal to the payment we could make.
As a side note, yes, getting into credit card debt was on us. We did not need to get credit cards to survive. We could have gone without putting in the washer and dryer in our new home and spent 3x as much money and time at the laundry mat every week. We could have just left the closets with peeling wallpaper. We could have avoided buying a couch and just sat on lawn chairs for a while. This is all possible and all true. The effect these things have had on us mentally, though, caused us to say "why don't we deserve this?" We have worked so hard, saved money, and pinched pennies to own a home. Why shouldn't we function within it comfortably?
The moral of this story is, where do we draw the line? Between survive and thrive? Between mental health and success? Between functional and comfortable? My husband and I each make over 2.5x the minimum wage in our state. Why do these questions keep me up at night? Why does this make sense? To take it one step further, why does it make sense that so many go without food, clothing, and shelter? When the 1% holds the majority of the wealth in this country. The video link I am sharing below was made 10-years ago and depicts the distribution of wealth in America (imagine how much worse it is now). Please, watch it and join the conversation in the comments below this post. Share how you have addressed this in your own life, what resources you have to share, or simply just how you feel about it. Let's keep this conversation going until something changes.
Wealth Inequality in America:
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